A Recipe to Change Someone's World

July 10, 2026/25 Tamuz 5786/Shabbat Matot-Masei

Hevre/Friends,

Want to combat antisemitism? Here’s one recipe:

• Make a beautiful Shabbat lunch.

• Invite your whole family - in its full diversity.

• Keep a seat for someone who knows nothing about Jews except for what they read online or see on the street.

• Be your kind and gracious selves.

• Mix and observe.

My mother and Sherry finally made it up north for the summer and we contracted a local caregiver to help my mother with her diminished mobility. Monique arrived friendly, but reserved. To be fair, she might have been a bit overwhelmed at meeting Andi and me, then my mother and her wife, then all of my kids including my son and his boyfriend, in the space of five minutes. Coming from a born-again Christian background that includes Haiti, Ghana, Belgium, and Montreal, our diverse bunch is not what she was expecting or used to. But when we got to know each other over the following days, she admitted she was also taken aback by something else. 

On Day Two Monique shared that when she first arrived and realized we are Jewish, she wasn’t sure if she should stay. I was shocked by that confession. “Why?” I asked, ready to pounce. She explained that her experience with Jewish families (which was limited to Hasidic families) was that they tended to be more insular and exclusionary and she wasn’t sure if she’d be comfortable here. She didn’t know there were Jews outside of that world. When she felt how warm and friendly we were (offering her coffee and food; asking about her life, etc.), she relaxed into our home and into her work with my mother. She, in turn, asked lots of questions about us all and was genuinely interested in who we are.

On Day Three the rest came out. It was a beautiful Shabbat afternoon and we had prepared a gorgeous, delicious meal on the screened-in deck. Of course we set a place for Monique as well. After much nagging, she finally came to sit with us. In her native French which most of us speak, she returned to the conversation about her impressions of Jews, and admitted that she used to think Jews were unkind, “evil people”, “mechant” in French. Again, I was ready to pounce. Then she went on to say that our family had really forced her to reconsider her biases, not only because of the way we treated her but because of the way we treat each other! Because we are accepting and loving of each other and respectful of the different choices we’ve each made. 

And then we rocked her world again. When we added that my son’s boyfriend was raised in a Catholic family, she actually shouted in disbelief, “Non!”. She could not fathom that we would be so inclusive of someone from a different religion into the most intimate spaces of our Jewish lives.

And if that wasn’t enough, when I told her I am a rabbi I nearly had to pick her up off the floor. It’s one thing to have met a family who proudly embraces a liberal, welcoming approach to religion and peoplehood. But a member of the clergy? As I sat there in my shorts and t-shirt having just come off the pickleball court, she just shook her head back and forth, trying to absorb this expansive revelation of grace and love.

But here’s the best part. When she came back on Day Four, she couldn’t wait to tell us about how she called her sister in Belgium the minute she got home to tell her about our family, our values, our loving dynamics. And our cooking!! Her sister was equally incredulous. Monique kept saying that we completely changed her world. That her perspective and opinions about Jews had forever been transformed. That she recognized how limited and judgmental she had been. That she discovered so much more about what we shared than what she assumed divided us.

Now, I’m not so naive to think that she won’t ever again encounter headlines or people and react negatively to them. But I do think that she will hesitate to assign blame for whatever she may observe to the simple fact of someone being Jewish, or judge all Jews for the same behaviour. 

I’m also not so naive to think that my family, or I, are perfect. But we live in a highly critical world where one person’s actions are often taken to be reflective of an entire people’s. We know only too well when this happens in the negative, in a way that makes us feel helpless against the hateful, infectious antisemitism around us. But we have to remember that it also happens in the positive, in a way that should remind each of us of the power we have to make good impressions of not only ourselves, but of our community. And you know what? It’s not always that hard. We just have to be kind, considerate, polite.

We changed someone’s world. And the world itself changed, even just a tiny bit, for the better.

Your turn.

Shabbat Shalom,

Dini

PS - For another take on this same experience but this time on the streets of NYC, check out this short reel. 

Photo by Ronen Avisror